8 Signals That Tells You Your Relationship Is Over

Emails and Phone Messages Go Unanswered

When your friend just doesn’t return your messages, it’s a sign that something could be wrong. But, then again, your friend could just be busy. Or, it could mean that something is wrong. If your casual (“Hey, how’s it going?”) emails aren’t getting a response, try sending a more direct note indicating that you are worried about your friend. Don’t send a message that is angry or assuming, however.

Avoid saying:

“Why haven’t you emailed me? How come I always have to email you a couple times to get a response?”

“What’s going on with you? I haven’t heard from you in ages?”

“Aren’t you getting my messages? Why are you ignoring me?”

These types of responses are worded to start an email fight rather than show concern about your friendship.

Instead, say:

“I haven’t heard back from you in a while and I’m concerned about you. Is everything okay?”

Your Friend Is Going Through a Rough Time

If your friend doesn’t get back to you, it can be very easy to assume that they are upset with you, but in fact, it may have nothing to do with you at all. Perhaps your friend is going through a rough time and for whatever reason (embarrassment, shame, shyness) they do not want to share with you. As a friend, you naturally want to help, but if your pal doesn’t want assistance, there is not much you can do besides let them know you are there for them.

When Your Friend Is Angry With You

It’d be great if all our friends could calmly tell us when we have done something to upset them. In reality, everyone is different, and they process anger and hurt in unique ways. Some people can recognize and address a situation right away. With these people, it is easy to work through a falling out.

Other friends, however, will pull away in reaction to something we did. In these cases, when you send an “Is everything okay?” type of email, you’ll probably be met with anger. You might be confused since the last time you saw this person everything seemed fine. Before you get angry in return, try and calmly listen to what is being said. Perhaps your friend’s resentment has been building for a while and they just never expressed it before. Some people say nothing the first few times they feel slighted, only to “erupt” later on. In these cases, their habit may be to pull away and then become angry when you don’t automatically know what happened.

When you and your friend have identified the problem, you can work through it. Then, make sure that you come up with a different way to communicate from that point forward, so that your friend will feel comfortable talking to you right away when there is an issue, rather than pulling away.

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With Black marriage numbers at an all time low and Black divorce numbers at an all time high the hopes of positive, lasting, relationships look bleak until now. Executive Producers Lamar and Ronnie Tyler bring real married couples to the screen to chronicle the greatest love stories ever told. These real couples explain how their marriages had a direct impact on their lives. Featuring candid and transparent looks inside of the hardships, trials, and ultimate success stories of these amazing couples. YOU SAVED ME offers an unprecedented look inside of real relationships and what is required to sustain them.

Originally scheduled to air tomorrow in selected areas to tie in with “Black Marriage Day” you can participate by writing to Tyler New Media P.O. Box 284 Grayson, Ga.  30017.

There is a full training program that you can participate by  visiting www.blackmarriageday.com/Black_Marriage_Day/Welcome.html

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When you move or travel to somewhere new, one of the biggest challenges you encounter is balancing what you know from word-of-mouth about the place and what is actually accurate about the people who live there. You create your own experiences through a lens of what you think will happen versus the true reality of the situation. Despite how much you might try to run from the emotions that you have as you encounter new things, there will always be an equivalent of people coming into your life and shaking up your world. Even if your mood is low and you don’t want to be somewhere, there are still people around you having an experience that you are apart of just by being there. You are always in the thick of something, no matter how much you try to isolate yourself from the rest of the world. One of the best ways to appreciate the people around you is to try and go with the flow of any situation you encounter. If you are invited out to lunch by co-workers you do not know well, go along with it. Try and view each interaction as a way toward making your current environment feel more like home. If you will yourself to relax and be comfortable where you are, a whole new set of opportunities are opened up to you due to your new-found sense of confidence!

Why You Should Exert Courage Every Day

One general statement that I have always heard in my life is that humans are social animals. While I mostly agree with that statement, there are distinct differences between people who seek out social interaction and people who are content being by themselves. While the former are called extroverts, the latter garner the label of introverts. Personally, I find myself to be a strong mix of both personalities, since I tend to go stir crazy when by myself for too long, but also have moments where I am okay with silence and solitude. Often in social settings, both types of people are intermingled, which creates a variety of interaction styles that can be challenging for some. However, if you make a concerted effort to go beyond your comfort zone and create your own “sense of place” somewhere new, the moments where you might have felt awkward turn into great memories associated with that location. Sometimes it takes the compromising of social fears to make the environment become your own and for you to truly feel like you fit in somewhere. By breaking down your internal barriers and getting to the core of the situation, you will be able to excel in any location that you choose to go!

While walking back to the office after lunch, I stopped for a second to look up at the sky and think about what my current “homes” mean to me. As I looked back on the people I have met over my time, there are a few places that stand out as having my heart, as well as my “true self.” The more you exert control over your life and make wherever you find yourself your “home,” you will truly feel adaptable and comfortable wherever your life takes you. Take a concentrated look at where you are and create the life you want for yourself by smashing through social barriers!

5 Ways To Make Yourself Stand Out

It seems that a ton of my girlfriends are either jumping the broom or are newly engaged. Not that I am rushing anything, or being impatient as hell and wondering what in the world is wrong with me, but I will be honest in saying why hasn’t it happened to me yet? (Well it has but not by my ideal guy.) I seem to think that I’m pretty attractive, intelligent, well-educated, independent, ambitious, career oriented, loving, kind and supportive. Why in the world am I not even close to marriage. I mean I haven’t had a serious, meaningful relationship in years.

Well enough about me. Many of my associates and former schoolmates who are currently in relationships and have been for years, share my same sentiments. They have a man to call their own, may even be living with him and no ring. What are us ladies doing wrong?

According to an article I read in Cosmopolitan and clinical psychologist Alon Gratch, PhD, author of If Men Could Talk, he stated:

“In my 25 years of experience working with men as a relationship therapist, it’s 49 percent the right woman, 51 percent his readiness to commit.”

That means that compatibility is hugely important. But if he’s not in a marriage mind-set yet, he’s not going to commit to anyone…not even Halle Berry.

As a matter of fact, the article went on to say that 81 percent of the married men surveyed by the National Marriage Project said one reason they decided to wed was because it was the right time to settle down.

So there it is ladies. Despite how much lingerie we buy from Vicki’s or how many hours we invest daily in slaving over a hot stove to prepare home-cooked meals, if he ain’t ready, he ain’t taking the bait. Once again, the ball is in his court. What’s a girl to do?

Friendships, if not cared for like living entities, can become wilted and slowly disintegrate beneath your grasp, despite your best efforts to act like nothing is wrong. Since life is constantly moving and no relationship can stay the same forever, you have to be aware of what it takes to sustain a close bond and keep feeding it for its continued growth. While social networking sites have become interesting new ways to close the gap of distance,  there is definitely no substitute for human-to-human contact that creates intimacy in relationships. How can you best manage your closest friends and relationships with the rules constantly changing? Can continual care and interest truly override distance and time that threaten to ruin a bond?

One of the strongest ways to maintain close ties with someone is to be continually interested in their life. This has to be a genuine feeling on your end, however, or you can come off looking like you are nosing your way into their affairs. In order to stay on friendly terms with someone, giving them a quick call or sending them a simple text message like “How are you doing?” can go a long way in maintaining a relationship with them. Even if the conversations are not particularly detailed, there are always opportunities for you to suggest grabbing a meal or a cup of coffee together. Starting slow with friendly contact is a good way to build up trust and perhaps at some point, you two will be closer than you ever imagined possible!

Although showing interest in someone’s life is a good thing, there is definitely a line to be drawn between “consistent” and “annoying.” Leaving space in a relationship is something a lot of people, including myself, are prone to struggling with. How much communication is too much? It’s hard to say, as everyone’s different and one person’s “too much” might be another person’s comfortable area. The best way to judge how often you should be contacting someone is by how often they answer you. Are they the type of person who isn’t good at answering their text messages, but is perfectly fine in person? If their texting skills are above-par, though and they just aren’t quick to answer you, this might be a sign that you are being too eager and should give the messaging a break. Wait for them to come to you. If they aren’t good at returning your calls and you don’t see them often in person, chances are that they don’t view you as close of a friend as you do. Not everyone can be a close confidant, however, so just be selective in your communication and who you want to cultivate. Trial and error eventually brings you who you’re meant to know!

Another important thing to keep in mind in relationships is to be a good listening ear when they need a friend. As the old saying goes, to have a friend is to be a friend. A lot of people forget this simple idea of just being there for someone, despite how busy or stressed you may be. If the person you’re talking to thinks you’re not listening, perhaps because you’re tapping away at your smart phone or thinking of other things, then how is that a healthy relationship? You have to be there for the other person and that’s how friendship is strengthened. It does span both directions, however, and if they’re not there for you as much as you’re there for them, there is an imbalance of power that should be ironed out. Friendship is not a one-way street, so never forget – put in your end and they should reciprocate what you have given!

The Importance Of Seeking Out Connections With People

A nice touch to keep in mind while managing friendships is to show them that you’re thinking of them, even if you’re far away or not in-touch as much as you should be. Remember to send them a birthday gift or write them a short message on their special day to let them know that you were thinking of them! Leaving small tokens of appreciation on their Facebook wall or sending them a text message when you’re reminded of them is a nice touch, as well. Although moderation and balance is the key, showing them that you wish to keep in contact with them is important and necessary to strengthen your bonds, despite distance or busy schedules.

While the technological age has made it easier than ever to keep up with people, remember what I said earlier – no form of faceless communication replaces the act of talking to someone in person. Try to be in their life as much as possible and make efforts to meet up with them just to hang out. True friendship is flying across the country to spend a few days with someone you care about, not how much you write on their Facebook wall. The idea of interpersonal relationships and intimacy is something that never grows old, so make sure you’re there for your friends, girls, regardless if they’re old comrades or new acquaintances! Nothing says being there for someone like the balancing effort of friendship between two people who care about each other.

I leave you with my favorite friendship quote, one that makes the most sense to me in terms of sincerity and depth. As Robert Southey says: “No distance of place or lapse of time can lessen the friendship of those who are thoroughly persuaded of each other’s worth.” It’s important to remember that when two people are invested in each other, being far away only makes the heart grow fonder. Even if you’re both jumping through hoops to keep in touch, the time you put into maintaining a friendship is what keeps the foundation solid. Never give up on someone that means something to you, as you never know what tomorrow brings and the people you keep close ties with are the ones that truly leave an impression on your life.

Why Are Words Of Wisdom So Important?

I had spent most of the train ride on my phone surfing the internet and reading a book, which are both very solitary activities. The bulk of my job requires me to be on my laptop, so obviously I have become very accustomed over the years to communicating online. I even find myself making lunch plans through e-mail, even though the person I’m messaging is in the same side of the building. Ordinary face-to-face contact has become an alternate reality to sites such as Facebook and Twitter, where you can post your day-to-day thoughts and send messages instantly from person to person. You don’t even have to open your mouth or leave your chair anymore to be able to ask people questions or find out about their daily life. The addition of the internet onto cell phones has also become a gateway to instant gratification and can sometimes even spawn new friendships if you are too shy to speak to someone on a more personal level. However, if you really think about it, what is technology doing to the fundamental social skills that people have to learn and cultivate? If you can’t talk to someone in person and you resort to e-mailing or Facebook-ing them, is that really the start to a healthy relationship? While there are definitely some advantages to the technology that have made communication easier in the long run, there are still some drawbacks in the way people relate to each other with this changing technology.

Is Social Networking Bad For Your Child?

Thinking back to even ten years ago, cell phones were less advanced and social networks were not the ultimate gathering place. E-mail was still important and frequently used, but you couldn’t access it as easily as you can with today’s rash of Smart-phones. The latter has actually become something of interest to me as of late, as I just recently invested in an iPhone. Being able to access your Facebook account or e-mail on the run can be a blessing and a curse, as having so much connectivity can be helpful, as well as distracting. While it might be great to be able to look up street directions or a song that you heard on the radio, sometimes the urge to check one’s phone for new messages can end up replacing human-to-human interaction. Despite the new distractions, I was recently discussing the merits of cell phones and computers with a friend at lunch today and we were both in awe of how we survived without them for so long. Mailing letters and stopping by at people’s houses unannounced seems foreign to us in this day and age, since the fast-paced world has made people accessible at an instant. Ways of communicating are constantly changing, yet this new evolution has left the younger generation less likely to engage in true face-to-face conversation. According to the New York Times, college students have even started using text messages as a way of resolving roommate conflicts, despite the fact that they could be discussing it right in their own room! Have text messages become the new voice, making us strangers of interpersonal connection?

It’s important to take yourself away from your technology once in a while, putting away your phone and simply sitting down for coffee with a friend without distractions. Basic communication skills like eye contact and a listening ear are vital in forming bonds with other people and something we should continue to cultivate, despite the changing times with new media replacing what was once commonplace interaction. When you “unplug” yourself from the web of technology, even if for a short amount of time, there is much to be learned from simply talking to others and keeping the human aspect of communication alive. Never forget the foundation of human interaction, which involves the bare bones of creating a relationship with the other person. It is very hard to find connections through simple text, as the words have to have some emotion that only the human voice, facial expressions, and general presence can provide. By breaking the barriers that technology has built around us, using our face-to-face times as serious communication can help bring us out of our awkward funk and back into a world where machines don’t dominate our social lives!

The Importance Of Seeking Out Connections With People

Here are the 11 most used wedding traditions explained in detail:

1-Jumping the broom Is custom relating to wedding ceremonies practiced in Wales and African Americans. The Welsh had a centuries-old custom called “broom-stick wedding” alluded to in Dundes’ work. Local variations of the custom were developed in different parts of England and Wales. Instead of placing the broom on the ground, and jumping together, the broom was placed in an angle by the doorway. The groom jumped first, followed by the bride. In some African-American communities, marrying couples will end their ceremony by jumping over a broomstick, either together or separately. This practice dates back at least to the 19th century and has enjoyed a 20th century revival largely due to the miniseries Roots

2″I pledge thee my through” /With this ring I wed :Traditionally the wedding pledge is made in front of family and friends who take special pains to stand up and witness our pledge. The wedding pledge is to be true and faithful and loving to another human being. To wed is both the most basic of all human pledges, and at the same time the most sublime

3-Best Man-: As marriages were historically accomplished by capture (the groom would kidnap the woman), a warrior friend was often employed. This best man would help the groom fight off other men who wanted the captured woman, and would also help in preventing the woman’s family from finding the couple.

4-The bridal party -. When the groom was about to abduct his bride, he needed the help of many friends, the “brides-men” or “bride-knights.” The “gentlemen” would make sure the bride got to the ceremony on time and to the groom’s house afterwards. The bride also had women to help her. These were known as the “bridesmaids” or “brides-women.”

5-Bride on the left, Groom on the right:When the groom fought off warriors who also wanted his bride, he would hold onto her with his left hand, while fighting them off with his sword in his right hand (we suppose there were no Southpaws in those days of yore), which is why the bride stands on the left, and the groom on the right.

6-Something Blue:In Biblical days – blue represented purity. Thus the bride and groom would wear a blue band around the bottom of their wedding attire, hence something blue.

7-Stag Parties/ Bachelor Parties :Ancient Spartan soldiers were the first to hold stag parties. The groom would feast with his male friends on the night before his wedding. In this event he would say good-bye to the carefree days of bachelorhood and swear continued allegiance to his comrades.

8-Veil: Along with these kidnappings and bartering, there were also arranged marriages. In these, the groom’s family informed him that he was to marry…but they very rarely let him see the bride. After all, if the groom didn’t like the bride’s looks, he might not agree to the marriage. With this in mind, the father of the bride gave the bride away to the groom who then lifted the veil to see his wife of all eternity for the first time. (I have to wonder how many of these grooms voiced their reactions aloud.)

9-Throwing Rice/Flowers At Couple-The bride and groom first ate rice together to be married, and then rice was sprinkled over them. In some cases, rice was used at weddings not to bring the bride and groom together, but to protect them from evil spirits. It was believed that these spirits always appeared at a marriage, and by throwing rice after the married couple, these evil spirits were fed and kept from doing harm to the newlyweds. But for most ancient peoples, rice was a symbol of fruitfulness.

10-Giving away the bride: All of our society’s gender issues stem from the fact that fathers once used their daughters as currency to a) pay off a debt to a wealthier land owner, b) symbolize a sacrificial, monetary peace offering to an opposing tribe or c) buy their way into a higher social strata. So next time you tear up watching a beaming father walk his little girl down the aisle, remember that it’s just a tiny, barbaric little hold over from the days when daughters were nothing but dollar signs to daddy dearest.

11-Tossing of the garter/bouquet It used to be that after the bride and groom said, “I do,” they were to go immediately into a nearby room and consummate the marriage. Obviously, to really make it official, there would need to be witnesses, which basically led to hordes of wedding guests crowding around the bed, pushing and shoving to get a good view and hopefully to get their hands on a lucky piece of the bride’s dress as it was ripped from her body.

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That’s when it’s time to take a break.  It’s time for you to rest your mind, to rest your body, and to simply just take a step back and realize that you need to get yourself together in order to move forward.

When life drags me down, I feel like running far away or taking a long vacation just to get away from it all. But sometimes, my schedule won’t allow it, so I take what I call a mental vacations or ‘a break’. Here are a few ways that I suggest you try to ‘get away’ and take a break:

Turn Off Your Phone: Most of us nowadays text more than we talk. We’re constantly available to almost anyone, all the time. Some of us are glued to our phones, like they are our siamese twins.  Phone time can be demanding and most of us don’t even notice how much time we spend on our phones. Do yourself a favor, and cut that sucker off! For an hour, a day… maybe even a few days. Just take from communicating with the outside world, and learn to focus on the simple things in life, such as the warmth from the sun hitting your face, the way your skin feels or the sounds that the chirping birds make in the morning.

Take A Media Fast: Stay off TheUrbanDaily, Mediatakeout and TMZ! Turn off your twitter (in fact, put yourself in twitter jail) and stay away from your Blackplanet and Facebook. Ignore all the updates, friends requests and the comments that your friends are posting up on your wall. No blogs, no TV, no gossip and no talk, radio or reality shows. And yes, it’s that serious. You’ll appreciate your thoughts when your thoughts are your own!

Write It Down: Write down what you are feeling and why. Call me crazy, but I once had an excellent shrink who taught me the value in reflection by writing it all down. Even if it makes no sense at all, write down the date and anything that comes to mind. Write down things that you can be proud of, such as accomplishments and/or relationships that you value. If you feel more comfortable recording yourself speaking or video taping yourself on your webcam, just do yourself a favor and take record your personal opinions, thoughts and feelings.

Meditate - Most people think meditation is easy, because by definition you are supposed to be thinking about nothing. But it’s actually easier said than done because its hard to think about nothing when there are a million things running through your head.  The goal of meditation is to relax your mind and to eliminate the cluttering thoughts that . So find a quiet spot and try not to actively think about anything. Remember, It is essential to create positive and peaceful thoughts to bring peace to your life.

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5 Steps to Find Closure So You Can Move On

I recently had to end a friendship that was very near and dear to my heart. After the relationship, the lack of closure almost drove me over the edge. I didn’t quite know how to deal with it at first. But during that period, I went through a series of steps that helped me ‘get over it’ and bounce back to my usual happy-go-lucky self again.

Here are 5 ways to find closure so you can move on:

1. Examine how it ended - Is there a reason that you haven’t been able to let go? Holding on to something that is no longer there is just unhealthy. The first step is to take a closer look at how it all went down. Ask yourself why you are dwelling on the past and identify why you are afraid to to move on.  The pain, hurt, anger and disappointment will diminish once you have a realistic understanding of the situation.

2. Determine what you’ve learned from it - Have you ever heard the saying everything happens for a reason? We are all divine creatures with real emotions and feelings, so it’s natural to feel attached to something that you were once so close too. Take this time to focus on the positives! Make a list of your best talents, gifts and assets. Figure out what lessons you learned while dealing with your situation and try to think of the happier times.

3. Apply those lessons to your life – Moving on involves taking responsibility for yourself. You may or may have not done anything wrong to deserve to be in this situation, but if you have, take mental notes or write down what you think went wrong. Some people like to write in journals, write poems or create music or artwork to express themselves and to get things in perspective. Here’s an example: if you just broke up with a lying, cheating ex – but saw all the signs of this person being unfaithful -  apply that knowledge to your future relationships and don’t settle for anyone’s crap again. You deserve happiness!

4. Grieve the loss - Your loss may actually be a gain if whatever or whomever you lost wasn’t right for you. During the grieving period, only engage in activities by that bring you peace and comfort. If your situation still leaves you feeling down,  this may not be an easy task. But take all the time you need! Remember, moving on is much easier said than done, but you can get through this if you just take it one day at a time at your own pace.

5. Getting on with your life – Whether you are moving on after the ending of a relationship, job, lifestyle or even a way of thinking, it’s important accept that it is over and done… it’s time to get on with your life! You have a future ahead of you that depends on you letting go of the past. Determine what’s most important for your next move and make your next move your best move.

If you are going though a storm in your life, have faith and remember that there is indeed light on the other end of the tunnel.

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There is a way that you can change that. Here are 8 steps to being positive that you can apply today.

1. Surround yourself with successful and positive people. It’s amazing how the influence of others can impact and affect our own personal energy.
2. Avoid negative people who will ultimately tear down any progress you make.
3. Think of a positive affirmation and repeat it often. Positive affirmations can produce amazing results in your thought process. For example, if you write that you’re always depressed then your affirmation could be, “I am happy I am in control. I have dozens of friends who sign their notes “Be Love”. It’s positive an affirmational.
4. Avoid negative thinking. Once you begin using positive affirmations in your daily routine, avoiding negative thinking is just as important
5. Set goals – this is very important step that will help you to be successful in changing your negativity to a more positive outlook. When you set realistic goals it will help you to keep focused.
6. Be thankful. When you appreciate all the positive things you have in your life no matter how small it is will help you to successfully get rid of negativity
7. Positive information. Read and listen to positive learning material. This will really help to change your attitude to one that is more positive. Once you begin removing nonsense from your life, things change.
8. 2. Positive environment. Place yourself in a positive environment. If your environment is cluttered and disorganized spend the time to get organized it will.

Tell me how it works out for you. I challenge you today to try one of things on this list.

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