Thinking over my past experiences and those of my friends, both male and female, married, single, and divorced – not to mention those couples whom my husband and I have counseled, I agree. Although it may take the commitment-phobic male a bit longer to make his intentions known, a mentally healthy man definitely knows sooner rather than later if he has met his bride-to-be.

The manner in which men convey interest is through pursuit. Steve Harvey in his book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment, contends that a man who wants a long-term relationship will do several things to make his intentions known. He will:

* Profess his intentions toward his woman; usually bestowing a “title” upon her of some sort, such as girlfriend or fiancée

* Provide for her in one form or another, usually financially – the degree of financial provision proffered depends on the man and the woman

* Protect her from those who would seek to offend or injure her

While Mr. Harvey’s assessment may appear archaic and chauvinistic, there is truth in it.

I have witnessed enough singles first hand, and counseled enough married folks to attest that the one constant in a relationship is a man’s lack of pursuit. Meaning, if a man doesn’t woo to win his beloved’s affections, he never will. Granted, a man may pursue his woman initially, then sometime after marrying her slack off, or cease to do pursue her altogether. Exactly when and how the slacking can start varies from husband to husband – but sadly it can and often does happen. Wives can be equally as guilty of slacking off – especially where sex is concerned (but that’s another, different blog). On the other hand, I have never known of, or even heard of a man, who, failing to pursue his woman in the beginning stages of their relationship, suddenly upped his efforts after years of their being together as singles or as a married couple.

If a man wants to be with a woman, he pursues her. If a man wants to marry a woman, he asks her. It really is that simple. Styles of pursuit may vary according to his upbringing, cultural/ethnic background, financial means, level of education attained, understanding of women, or even his country of origin. But in the end, pursuit is identifiable. Likewise, lack of pursuit is equally identifiable. A man who doesn’t pursue initiates nothing – except perhaps sexual contact, or socializing for the sake of sexual contact (AKA “booty calls”).

Ladies, be forewarned: If you are a woman who is content with pursuing her man, or waiting around for him to “come around” to your point of view, then be prepared for a lifetime of doing so – because chances are – your situation may never change.

Be blessed, Family.

Why Do We Do What We Do At Weddings?

Finding True Love In Spite Of Your Past

To me, it was a shock.

Today, these mujeres (women) are all in their late 20′s, single and successful. When I read their account headlines, I felt bad for them. I really did. Some of them sounded downright sad, almost begging for someone to notice them and how great they are.

Do You Have These Red Flags In Your Relationship?

When my friend joined Match.com, a lot of us thought it was him admitting he had no game, that he couldn’t pull a woman outside of the ‘net anymore and we would laugh at him. But we then spent time browsing through the site and saw the girls and thought: “Damn, there are some beautiful women on this site.”

Us: How can we contact them?

CLICK HERE TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED NEXT

First Urban Singles Conference Meets And Talks Real Life Issues

Bailout Plan
31% of both men and women agree that 15 minutes into the date is long enough to tell if there is chemistry. However, only 12% would leave within the first 30 minutes of a date if it isn’t going as planned.

Too Fast on a First Date?
Only 6.5% of singles claim they have frequently had sex on the first date, while 80% of singles disapprove of ending the date between the sheets.

ALSO READ: “I May Be 18 Years Old And Love Older Men, But I Think He’s Playing Games”

Making the Call
48% of women prefer men to make the follow-up call after the first date. A majority of men (68%) will pick up the phone between one to three days after the date, while 6% of men can’t resist following up within the first 24 hours.

Meet the Guys
Men (50%) are more likely to introduce someone they’re interested in to their friends within the first month of dating than women are (35%).

Read more here!

ALSO READ: “He’s A Four-Time Felon And I Love Him, But I Think He’s Cheating”

5. I love my son more than anyone else in this world, but if I spend one more weekend watching Disney movies and playing Chutes and Ladders, I will probably lose my mind! Let’s face it, there’s something not quite right about a grown woman who freaks out when she can’t figure out where she put the Disney movie “Cars”. It’s even worse when she can quote all of the character Lightening McQueen’s lines.

4. I think it’s time for someone else to pay for my weekend dinners other than me. Now look before some of you get all deep and call me materialistic, I’ve been known to foot the bill. And for those who know me, know that I have no problem doing so. I just want a little chilvary in my life. Is that too much to ask? I’m not expecting a new car or diamonds. I can wait for that. LOL! Just kidding!

3. I don’t want anyone to think I can’t like, you know…get a date. Okay so what things have been slow going. I’m just in a bit of a drought right now. I’d better fix this quick because my co-worker has literally decided she’s going to set me up on a date and she wants to do it all as a reality show. I was okay with being set up until she decided she wanted to bring cameras into the mix. But she didn’t stop there she started showing me pictures of some of the candidates and well ur ra ta…Let’s just say some of them looked awfully pimp like. Guess I can’t be too choosey. Shucks…Yes I can!

2. I have to do more than work like a Hebrew slave and take care of my son. Those two are very important…my work and my son but dang…there absolutely must be more to life. I don’t think I’ll really know how to behave on a date after so much time but I will definitely have fun blogging about it and sharing it with all of you once I do actually go out.

1. Deacon such and such at the church wants to talk to me a little too often after church. I can’t really tell what the constant smile on his face is about. Nor can I really tell why he pats his stomach every time he sees me. No offense but I’m really not into men with processed hair. Well let’s go ahead and call it a Jheri curl. I’m also not into men who are like twenty years older than I am and drive a burgundy Cadilac with an 8 track tape system in it. How do I know this? Deacon such and such told me after church once. Yeah….I think I’d better start dating before he’s my only option…Chile Please!

Other Related Articles:

Do You Have These Red Flags In Your Relationship?

If Black Women Adjust Their Standards, Then They Will Get Married

Reality Show Review: Let’s Talk About Pep

How The Single Christian Gets Through The Night Alone

Are You Sharing Too Much Online?

Upon talking with a friend the other day, she brought up the question of men and why it seems that we often lack the “pursuit” of women. Where has it gone? Why don’t men pursue women like they used to?

Let me give you a hypothetical situation (one that will probably speak more to the ladies): You’re out shopping. You see a gorgeous pair of shoes. I’m talking about nice shoes — Manolos (for the men, Ferragamos) perhaps. You’re in love with them and would love to buy them, but upon seeing the price, you realize you need to save a little bit before you can afford them. They’re temporarily unattainable. But you can save up and get them. (And oh, will they be worth it.)

Later that week or maybe the same day, you’re out shopping again and you see a pair, perhaps of Steve Madden shoes, that looks nearly identical to the pair you had seen earlier. They’re not exactly the same, but only you’ll be one of the only ones to know the difference. The biggest difference — the Maddens are much cheaper than the Manolos. It’s a pair that you can afford right now, without having to save any money.

Read the full story.

From Elev8

Elev8.com’s Tarvenia Jones writes “I’m so happy that Pastor loves his wife and wants all of us to know it. Especially some of the folks who secretly admire the pastor from afar. Oh, was I not supposed to say that, too? Chile Please. But I wish my pastor would not get up in front of the congregation just about every single Sunday and make references to how his wife just gave him a look and he’s in ‘trouble’ when they get home and what he plans to do to her. My brow instantly furrows at said mention. I feel some sorta way about him putting that visual in my head after just hearing about how Joshua fought the battle of Jericho.”

The pastor clearly had boundary issues.

Read the full story at Elev8.com

Your thoughts:

1. Would it bother you if your pastor made comments about his intimate affairs on the pulpit?

Share your comments below.